Randi D. Ward is a retired, 37 year veteran English teacher from Georgia, USA, and a published author. She was named “Entrepreneur of the Year 2014” in the Education Industry by Worldwide Who’s Who and was profiled in its 2015 calendar. Her other awards include being the 2014-15 VIP Woman of the Year by National Association of Professional Women, a 2015 Delegate of the International Leadership Women’s Association, a 2015 Top Female Executive, a 2014 Pinnacle Professional Member of Continental Who’s Who, and an elite member of Strathmore Worldwide Who’s Who. Her current projects in Africa are World Peace Forest (Africa) in Egypt and Africa Nomads Conservation in Kenya. She is an honorary president of World Peace Forest (Africa) and the USA Regional Director for Africa Nomads Conservation. Her book is entitled Because I Believed in Me (My Egyptian Fantasy Came True).
Georgia, US
Romantic jealousy can absolutely destroy wonderful relationships in our lives. This kind of jealousy is a combination of fear and anger. It is fueled by the fear of losing someone and the anger that someone else is “moving in” on the person that you consider to be of value to you personally. It encompasses many different kinds of feelings that range from fear of abandonment to rage to humiliation. It is felt by both men and women. It is a very caustic emotion; nothing good ever comes from being jealous. It can even result in violent actions. Therefore, it is so important to recognize this problem when it happens and try to do something to prevent it or deconstruct it.
Overcoming romantic jealousy must begin with awareness. By focusing on this emotional reaction or behavior, you begin to allow yourself to see things in your mind that are not true. You must try to figure out why you are feeling jealous. Maybe you experienced a past failure in a former relationship that has left you with a lack of trust toward people in the present.
Another factor for feeling jealous could be a feeling of insecurity that you are not worthy of the other person’s affection. Thus, this could create false ideas in your mind that the person will one day abandon you if another possible romantic interest is near. Trying your best to be compassionate when you do your self-assessment is an absolutely necessary part of remaining objective about this potentially destructive side of your personality.
In addition to your own self-assessment, examine the effect that your jealousy has on the other person involved. Naturally, the other person may become defensive when being falsely accused of doing some actions that have made you feel jealous or suspicious. This is a normal reaction when you place this person under pressure to justify his or her actions. His or her reactions of impatience, frustration, irritation, or anger are not confirmations of guilt but are simply his or her way to defend his or her innocence. You need to put yourself in the place of this person and imagine how you would feel if you were wrongly accused.
A perfect way to discover the truth about the situation that has caused feelings of jealousy is to communicate these troubling feelings in an actual dialogue with the other person.
Sharing your feelings and thoughts is a useful way to start mending the damage done to your relationship. Remember not to blame the other person; you are the only one responsible for your feelings. Only use “I” statements about yourself, such as “I felt threatened because of this other person at the party.” Try to stay open-minded and quietly listen when the other person is talking about the situation. Finally, be compassionate for yourself and the other person. Recognize the harm you have caused and demonstrate a genuine desire to try to overcome these feelings and learn to outgrow your jealousy.
Please bear in mind that all feelings of jealousy are about you, not about the other person. To overcome these feelings, work on your own insecurity. Learn the difference between observation and interpretation. Observation is the actual fact. Interpretation is what you think the observation means. The observation creates fear and causes you to think things that may not be true. It is necessary to build self-esteem. If you build confidence in your own worth, observations that cause jealousy will be easier for you to overcome. You will begin to stop comparing yourself with others and recognize your own uniqueness and value in your romantic relationship. Find your greatness and be proud. This will also help to eliminate feelings that you are in competition with other people for the love of your partner.
The bottom line is this though. If you are meant to be with this other person, you must trust this other person and build the love that you feel instead of breaking it down. Mistrust and jealousy should never be a part of any relationship that you genuinely want to last and to be successful. Controlling your feelings of jealousy is not easy but can be accomplished if you truly desire to want to eliminate this flaw in your personality. It just takes time and concentrated effort.